you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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