I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
