Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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