Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Drake has all the answers
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
