I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
