forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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