I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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