someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I stole a fireplace last night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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