walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
