the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
