I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
