we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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