Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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