I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
