I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
