Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
