So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You took a bar mat shot.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
