"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
