I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
