turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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