I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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