There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
