We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
