OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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