I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
