Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
