i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
