At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
