They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just want to make out with him forever
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
