The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need a beard to bite.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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