Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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