I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
