He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
