If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
