my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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