They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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