Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
