I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
