Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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