you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
