remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
