How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
