My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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