We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
