i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
