Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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