either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
