My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
