When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
