how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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